when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
