Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
