babies were throwing up all over the place
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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