You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
