So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
