Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
