i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
did i just pee glitter
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
