my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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