Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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