When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
