I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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