Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
