so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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