i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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