walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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