I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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