There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How external is "for external use only"?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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