i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
