I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
