Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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