wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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