why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
