I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
