Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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