Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
