At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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