Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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