I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
