ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
