Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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