So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
