Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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