It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
