So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
