We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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