He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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