I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
