Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
