just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
