respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
