Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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