Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
