Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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