I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
false alarm, still single
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
