we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
