Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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