my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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