I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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