Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
