one might say we're banned from that church
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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