So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
