Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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