I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
