Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
