Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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